Category Archives: cancer

Snow, Snow, and more snow! And a Re-birthday.

Posted in Bone marrow transplant, California, cancer, cooking, Multiple myeloma, Myeloma, Uncategorized by

Well, as they say,” the best laid plans of mice and men”. Totally snowed out yesterday. I -80 closed the next exit above us. It still is closed this morning. I went in for my labs and the computers were all down and not working. There were 8 people waiting for them to come online. I just said I’d reschedule. So at that point, it was just cloudy and I headed down to the gym. By the time I left, it was raining and VERY windy. Even the Santa Fe , which is a heavy car, was getting buffeted around. By the time I was home, it was snowing and then really snowing. My daughter opted to work from home. Today she’s going in to the college and it looks mostly like rain.

So, no swimming for me again. This is getting kind of old. But there’s not much I can do except NOT be out there with all the ‘stupid people’ trying to get either to the snow or somewhere. CHP was on facebook saying ‘do not try the back roads as they are just as bad as the freeway’, which is closed. So, I’ll go down to the market and get some lettuce and salad stuff since we don’t have any. I plan to make some soup for dinner.

I’m reviewing what I want to do food pantry wise this summer. I know I don’t need any more jams or marmalades. I might do some strawberry if the berries look good. We’ve been using the salsas so I will do that again. the chicken broth has been great to have pressure canned but I could freeze that too. I would like to do more flash frozen corn and maybe some other veggies too. I’m planning on starting a pantry book for just this kind of thing. I must have tossed the one I was working on thinking it was a different book. I think that was the book I started during the pandemic for price points like at Costco etc. That’s okay, most of it I can recall.

My 17th re-birthday!

My wonderful family.

So, 17 years ago, I was admitted into the Sutter General Hospital, BMT unit. This day is called -1, because you are given the high dose Melphalan. Then it’s the next day is day 0 when the actual Stem Cells are given. It’s actually very anti-climatic as it is a bag hung up and then just on the IV drip and it’s over. Then it’s just a waiting game. It gets very rough around day 4 and then continues until your WBC, RBC all your counts start to increase. Mine started around day 12. I was released day 18 but had to be readmitted the next day because of spiking a fever. But after that, it was just a slow process. Honestly, it took a year to really recover. But I am grateful everyday for science, medical professionals, and my family’s support.

Now I’m facing another relapse, but I’ve gotten more time than lots of other myeloma buddies I have known.

So another part of the journey begins.

Imbolc

Posted in budgeting, budgets, California, cancer, Gratitude, home stuff, husband, Uncategorized by


Imbolc or Imbolg, also called Saint Brigid’s Day, is a Gaelic traditional festival. It marks the beginning of spring, and for Christians it is the feast day of Saint Brigid, Ireland’s patroness saint. It is held on 1 February, which is about halfway between the winter solstice and the spring equinox. Historically, its traditions were widely observed throughout Ireland, Scotland and the Isle of Man… Wikipedia

· Imbolc is a pagan holiday celebrated from February 1 through sundown February 2. Based on a Celtic tradition, Imbolc was meant to mark the halfway point between the winter solstice.

February 2nd is cross-quarter. I always feel the earth slightly shifting. Perhaps it’s the sap starting to run in the trees or possibly the sun’s angle. Right now we’re getting light still in the afternoon at 5:45pm and walking in the morning, predawn is 6am. I love when this change happens.

I had a good Dr. appt. Nothing new to report. My increase of 3 points is still very low and he actually had gone back and looked at when my numbers started doubling. So at one point, it went from 90 to 180. So that’s what I won’t let happen again and he’s well aware of that. Still, he’s the medical oncologist and knows what he’s doing. But it was a good drive into Sacramento with not tons of traffic just the normal.

I had thought of going down to the pool this morning but will wait till tomorrow. Driving out 2 days in a row is a lot for me. So Friday will be my swim day. I’ll probably go to the gym on Sunday then.

The pantry challenge is winding down as I am running out of ideas. I will check the freezer this morning and see what I can cobble together. I still have plenty of shell stable meals so I may do a couple of them. I know I have some salad stuff to use up today.

Thankful Thursday:

That I have an oncologist who knows me and is attentive.

That it’s sunny out even though it’s cold.

My husband who does SO MUCH around here and is always willing to stop at the store or drop things off for me( returns).

That I feel good overall and love swimming and going to the gym and that I CAN do it.

That we get SS and that almost covers all our bills including still having a mortgage:( . Then I’m thankful our kids pay ‘rent’ and that covers the rest , food, misc, etc.

I’m so thankful they both have excellent jobs and love them. We never got the job thing right( not for lack of trying) but first, in the mid 70’s there were NO jobs that we could get( plus affirmative action knocked Barclay out of the job pools with the US Forest Service. and always we resorted to some kind of self employment. He did Shiatsu massage for years and I did the whole ‘spiritual’ healing/counseling mumbo jumbo. Later we opened the metaphysical bookstore in Old Town Auburn but that was in the late 80s.

Lastly, I’m thankful Barclay is healthy again!!

Simple Sunday

Posted in California, cancer, cooking, Flylady, Walking by

A nice simple RAINY Sunday which is fine with me. It’s just a nice drizzle although there is a winter storm warning for the Sierras. We walked this morning and it was just starting to drizzle as we left.

I went to the gym in Auburn and used the treadmill. I’m using this gym on Sundays for a quick workout to add to what I’m doing. It seems Sunday morning is old men’s morning who don’t use the wipes after using machines:(

Then I went to Safeway for a few things. Groceries are certainly expensive.

Then I came straight home and spent the last 2 hours looking at vintage Levi’s. I pretty much only wear Levis so a Youtuber I like was wearing some great-looking Levis and so I asked her what # they were and she said vintage 501s. So I just spent(wasted) 2 hours looking and didn’t really see what I thought would work for me.

Next week I have my doctor appt and then just the normal stuff. We may go to Costco as their sale stuff starts Wednesday and there are some items we need ie: laundry soap, coffee, toothbrushes and I think a few other things. Other than that same old same old.

The Flylady zone is the living room and entryways. I did the LR zone already so I’ll just tidy the entryways. I think I’ll also do some kitchen zone too. I want to start with all my pantry jars and give them all a wipe-down.

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Wednesday’s musings

Posted in Blood test, budgeting, budgets, California, cancer, home stuff, Myeloma, swimming by

Well, a disappointment with my labs. Kappa went up to 30.7 mg/L so a 3-point jump. And the ratio went up to 1.96mg/L from 1.76 so also a jump. I’m disappointed but such as it is.

The pool was busy but I did get a lane right away. It’s sort of hit-and-miss most mornings. But it’s still worth the effort. I went to the gym yesterday, which was pretty empty although I saw some new faces. Probably new years resolutions kicking in.

Today I’ve been playing around with a spreadsheet I downloaded for the budget. It’s taken me 6 different tries but I think I have it down and I like it as long as it works the way it’s supposed to. I bought it off Etsy on the recommendation of Minimom on Youtube. I do most of my budgeting in a notebook but I wanted to add something new.

After the pool, I went over to Winco for a few groceries. Honestly, you cannot beat the price of things there. It’s a bit of a learning curve because of the layout but I know it well now so I can just go to the areas of food I need. Their bulk area is amazing. Lots of bins of snacks, spices, grains, everything you could want bulk, even honey.

Today I need to vacuum and dust and then fall into a heap depressed about my light chains. It’ll take me a day to regroup.

Five on Friday

Posted in California, cancer, cooking, decluttering, Myeloma, Uncategorized by

So, I had my oncology appt yesterday, and that all went well except for the horrendous rain going down to Sacramento. I don’t like driving in the rain because of my macular pucker which makes seeing out of my right eye difficult and rain makes seeing worse. But I made it down and back just fine. Dr. L said same old same old, we’ll just keep track of things and go from there which is really all we can do. It’s really when my kappa light chains start doubling that I’ll say let’s do something. We agreed, when the time comes, to go back on Velcade and see if it’s still effective. I’m still hoping for June-ish.

Then this morning I had my follow-up audiology appt and that went as expected. No change and still have less hearing in my left ear. I just mumbled umm ok… that’s what I thought.

Then Safeway had some great deal this week so I went over there which is just down the road from the Sutter Medical Bldg. The deals were $1.97 for 24 Arrowhead water, $1.97 for 1 lb butter, $1.77 for boneless chicken breasts, .87 for Honey crisp apples, and more savings on some other things. The cashier said I saved more than my bill was so that was cool. I think I might pressure can the chicken in a recipe like chicken soup or something. I’ll check my pressure canning book and see what looks good.

It’s pizza night and I will take out one of my frozen dough balls to defrost. My son’s not home tonight so it’s just us and my daughter. I’ll keep it simple.

I have everything out that I plan to have for Christmas and it’s quite pretty and simple. I did declutter all the Hallmark boxes except a few so that left lots of room in the one Christmas bin. I still have the Ikea white storage boxes in the closet but those are not in the way and are on the top shelf.

I plan to either swim tomorrow or do the gym. Usually I swim Saturday, but I feel I need to keep up on doing the weights. So I guess I’ll decide tomorrow.

Getting ready for camping 2023

Posted in budgeting, California, camping, cancer, husband, Multiple myeloma, Myeloma, Uncategorized by

This would have been the week we were in Refugio. We canceled due to the cost of gas. ( gas is around $6.00 a gallon here but in the Santa Barbara area it’s probably higher. We both agreed that we didn’t want to add to the cc right now with the other things that are still on there. Plus, we felt we had done it last year and it was great but we didn’t really feel like we needed to go back there. Santa Barbara is always a draw for us but that’s still 30+ minutes away from Refugio so it’s not like we could just pop in. Anyway, we’re both ok with the decision.

My goal for 2023 is to go to one new place to camp and explore that area. I’d like it to be within 4-5 hours of driving.

So far for 2023, we have New Brighton booked in March and Wrights Beach in April. Both are 5 nights and that’s a nice amount of time. I think we’re going to book Napa at the end of each of these if we can get in. I’ll check that soon. My goal is to not drive more than 2-3 hours a day unless we are on an extended trip. I still have hopes that we can get to the Southwest, and then Pacific North West but with gas prices, we need to be budget-minded. I think I want to have a dedicated savings for travel and then that money will be in there for gas etc. We don’t spend a great deal generally once we’re in a location. So it’s really gas and the campground fees. We love the places we go to regularly so that’s all good. I mean Tahoe is my favorite place and where I want my ashes spread after I leave this earth.

Barclay is off to buy the concrete paint in a different color this morning down at Lowes. We decided to go with an earth tone in darker brown. Let’s hope we like it. Sort of an expensive mistake with the gallon being $50. Oh well… Then he’s going to pop into Winco for a few things. I think shopping at Winco has really helped my grocery budget. I can’t remember the last time I went into Safeway. Also, not running down to the Holiday Market for bits and bobs also is a money saver as it is definitely more expensive. I’m probably spending more at the farm but since it is produce just picked I’m ok with that. Last week I got potatoes, 2 cabbages, lettuce, spring mix, a leek and ?( I think it was some broccoli) it was $20. So pricey but ok.

I’m going to prep more apples this morning and get them ready for applesauce. I’m not sure I’ll cook them today but I’ll see how I feel when I’m done.

This time of year always is difficult for me remembering when I had the compression fracture in T 10 and didn’t know what it was or why. It was November 2003. Then later, in the fall of 2005, I was getting ready to do the SCT in February but was getting heavy duty chemo during this time. So difficult memories for me. Then Barclay’s MDS happened right about now too( early November). It’s an emotional time remembering these periods. Even when my last relapse was hitting numbers way too high, that was November of 2020 and I started chemo in January 2021. So lots of sad and difficult memories. Of course, I’m an optimist so right now things are stable. I’m doing well, Barclay is well and our kids are healthy and happy. So that’s all positive.

Friday things.

Posted in Blood test, bread, budgets, cancer, Myeloma by

I had my consult with my PCP about my slightly higher LDL #. My HDL was very good and the ratio was good but he wanted/needed to tell me to try and cut out some higher fat foods like butter. 😦 I love butter but I told him I will do my best and he said we can test in another year. So that’s that. I will try to cut back on butter and cheese and some carbs. I cook with a lot of butter but usually in combination with olive oil. I’ll just try and be more conscious of using butter like on toast and bagels etc. Also, my thyroid numbers came back normal. Last time when my LDL was slightly high it must have been about 6-7 years ago, I started eating oatmeal for breakfast 4-5 times a week and within 6 months my cholesterol dropped 60 points.

My Myeloma labs came back almost the same as last month. So hurray on that. Another month of freedom so to speak. All my other labs were normal and the same as before. So all in all, it’s good.

Our anniversary is next week and B said I should go buy the Louis Vuitton. I said I’ll think about it. It’s not a cheap purchase and I’m quite happy with my Coach bag I bought that is similar in size to the Neverful. Still, a Louis is a Louis. I think my obsession( sort of) is that it’s French (although not many are made in France anymore) and the quality of workmanship. I only love the LV monogram and the black ones. The others are really quite gaudy in my opinion. Well, I’m certainly not getting younger:( That purchase would definitely NOT fit into Frugal Friday!!!

Today is a home day and I’ve done my morning reset, bathroom swish and swipe, and kitchen tidy. I plan on going to the farm this afternoon for a few things. I also am feeding my sourdough starter and plan on putting it into one jar instead of 3 1/2 jars. I might make some sourdough bagels this weekend. If I’m cutting out some carbs I might make bread with whole wheat as that is better on the glycemic scale.

Tomorrow after swimming I’m planning to go to Trader Joe’s for a few things. I know they have Ezekiel bread which is good and whole wheat tortillas too. I’m certainly willing to switch things up a bit. Besides, I always like a challenge.

Our hot weather continues. It’s very depressing after what seems like forever of 100 degree days. The nights aren’t cooling off hardly at all. Next week temperatures are all in the mid 90s so maybe that will be a little better.

I’m waiting for the next batch of tomatoes to ripen so I can process them. I’ll probably just do the tomato sauce again. I don’t think there’s too much else I’m interested in doing except getting some corn to quick freeze. Last year I did about 12 bags of corn and we used them all. Safeway usually has the best prices. I’ll check their flyer later.

On the spending side, I put an order into Rancho Gordo for 8 bags(1lb). Since they are in Napa they arrived in record time. If you haven’t tried their beans, you should. They are all heirloom and absolutely delicious. I ordered a new one to try called Whipple bean. I also added on a jar of Mexican oregano. When I opened it, it didn’t smell too much different from my oregano. So I’ll have to see how it is in recipes. Let’s see, I ordered falafel mix from Amazon because TJ’s doesn’t carry it in their stores anymore and finding it in the regular grocery store is a PITA. I bought some salad stuff from Holiday Market too. Even with cash envelopes, I’m still spending @ $700 a month on food. I guess that’s just the norm. At Costco, I did mostly cash and then the rest on the debit card. Costco is always more than I think it will be, of course!! Well, B did buy Sierra pale Ale beer but it’s really the best price for it if you drink beer. I also picked a few bulk items like sugar and some more flour.

How I learned to live with an incurable cancer.

Posted in cancer, Death, Flylady, Multiple myeloma, Myeloma, Uncategorized by

This past week marked my 17th year of living with Multiple Myeloma. I was diagnosed on June 15, 2005. But it’s clear that when I initially had the compression fracture of T 10 in November of 2003, Myeloma probably had been roaming around my body for a couple of years. But by the time of diagnosis, it was now a plasmacytoma on T 10. So that’s almost a year and a half from when I had the fracture. The course of treatment was 17 rounds of radiation, followed by 6 months of chemo every 3 weeks. Induction treatments now include Revlimid and Velcade which wasn’t available at my time of diagnosis. I had Doxil, Vincristine, Cytoxan, and dexamethasone. After that, it was preparation for the STC. I had the SCT in March of 2006.

I think part of the shock for me was, that I’d never really ever been sick, nor did I hardly ever use traditional medicine( since I was never really ill). Even at the time of diagnosis, my compression fracture was healing to some degree and I was not anemic, a common symptom of myeloma. In fact then and even now my CBC panel and CMP panel are all normal. But add in a light chain test and Spep test and there you go. At diagnosis, my SPEP was at 3.9. Not terribly high but high enough.

All of this was certainly foreign to me and I felt like a ‘stranger on a strange planet’. The first time I entered the chemo room, I cried. It truly was bizarre to see so many chemo Iv’s and patients ‘hooked’ up. After a time I did better and came to appreciate the hard work of the chemo nurses. Even now, last year going down to Rocklin Infusion, the nurses are just the best and it takes a special person to be a chemo nurse.

The first year was the hardest. The Stem Cell Transplant was one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone thru. Some people sail the SCT, but I was pretty miserable. I couldn’t eat( I had to get 1 insure down a day), I had constant diarrhea, and just was barely conscious. But I did get thru it and it took almost a year to recover. But I did. I was stronger and wiser.

So what have I learned?

First, take each day as it comes. We really only have this moment and how we live in that moment takes us to the next moment. I still try to gauge how I feel each day and what I need to do that day or not.

Second, I learned to be more patient. There’s a time for all things and you can’t push time. So when I was in the midst of appts, treatments, etc, there was no rushing or trying to do something before it was time to do it( if that makes sense).

Thirdly, your blood is your blood, and the same with facts. The numbers are the numbers and you can wish, scream, pray, jump up and down but it won’t change a thing. Your blood is your blood. So, of course, be positive but no imaginary person in the sky is going to help you. It might make you feel better for doing it (the praying part) but it’s not going to change your blood or take away the tumors or whatever. This is not to say be reckless, or eat junk food( only occasionally:) ) or whatever but be sensible, eat healthy things and try and do some exercise even if it’s just walking.

Four, around five years into my journey, I started becoming more minimalist. As I’ve mentioned before, I had 4 great years with no treatment and my cancer was in remission. But myeloma just doesn’t go ‘away’. There are always some rogue cells and then you relapse. Flylady jump-started my decluttering and doing a daily ‘tidy up’. I started always having a clean counter and sink. And it really does work.

Fith, it is what it is. Always.

Becoming minimal really changed, although slowly, how I felt about everything. Money, bills, life, buying things, not buying things. and so much more.

When there’s always the “what if, when??”, it’s very hard not to obsess. Early on in this journey, I got a prescription for anti-anxiety medicine. It was a life saver. I stopped obsessing over everything. So, I suppose that obsessing taught me to not worry about what was going to happen but just BE with it. Although in truth, I needed the anti-anxiety medicine just to cope. Now, I don’t and figure, it is what it is.

In some ways, living with incurable cancer, it’s always there somewhere lurking in your mind. ( and unfortunately)in your body. You just have to acknowledge it and get on with living.

Since 2005, I relapsed in 2010, 2015, and 2019. Each time I’ve been lucky the treatments have worked although I suspect each time between relapses will lessen. That’s ok. It’s not my first rodeo.

To quote Mary Oliver:

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” — Mary Oliver, The Summer Day

and this one…

“Instructions for living a life.

Pay attention.

Be astonished.

Tell about it.”

― Mary Oliver, Sometimes

Simple Sunday

Posted in Blood test, books, California, cancer, Multiple myeloma, Myeloma, Walking by

What a difference a day makes. Yesterday it was 93 and hot. Today it is overcast and 70. We even had a sprinkling of rain. How cool is that and we really need it.

I had a good walk this morning and almost no one was there except the one runner who happened to be walking. At first, I didn’t recognize her not running, and then on my second round I said” oh you’re not running, I didn’t recognize you”. She laughed. So all in all a nice walk.

I had a bit of a setback yesterday from doing the weights on Thursday. I guess the lactic acid build-up or exercise flu hit me pretty hard. I felt pretty lousy all day and figured out it must have been the weights even though I hardly did more than 20 minutes. So when I go next, I’ll need to hydrate and do less. I’m very careful with anything I do physically but I guess it was more than my body could handle. The last time I did weights at the gym was February of 2020 right at the beginning of all the lockdowns. So perhaps even the small reps were too much. I guess there will be an adjustment period.

Today I’ll do the bathroom zone and quick house tidy. Mostly just putting things back where they belong. Since I didn’t feel like eating much yesterday my daughter put together some ravioli and salad. I’m not sure what I’ll do tonight as I still don’t feel like food much. Maybe breakfast for dinner.

I started reading ‘Maus’ by Art Spiegelman and geez, wow, If you haven’t read go buy it, get it from the library. It is brilliant. Tragic, but brilliant. I’m not sure what the ‘banned book’ thing is about as the story is about his father in Nazi Germany and how he survived in Poland and then eventually was betrayed and was sent to Auschwitz. Maybe the White Supremacists don’t want the truth out there. ( I just looked up the banned book deal. Apparently, it Tennessee that banned because of language(damn) and nudity( I guess the naked men when they were stripped in the concentration camps). WTF, those horrors and so much more beyond our comprehension happened. The world CANNOT forget what Hitler did and was doing to eradicate and entire race of people.

I went to the farm stand Friday and picked up some early zucchini, radishes, lettuce, spinach, and some delicious peaches.

All good news with my labs. No increase and staying almost where they were right above high normal. So I made it to my goal which was to stay out of treatment for a year. Everything else will be icing on the cake. BTW, June 15 is my anniversary of my diagnosis of Multiple Myeloma. 17 years later here I am. Hopefully for a while longer.

This coming week should have much cooler temperatures except Wednesday which looks like a 90 degree day.

Five on Friday

Posted in budgets, California, camping, cancer, Gardening, home stuff, travel by

I decided to not go with Frugal Friday today as it seems this has been an expensive week. It’s not daily stuff but more like the bigger things. Both DMV’s for the Rubicon and Chevy are due and it sure seems as if they are almost double what they were last year. Then our AAA membership will be due next week and that’s gone up. There is one other bill but I can’t remember right now. Oh, wait, it’s not a bill but I added on the camping trip to SeaCLiff in the fall on the CC and that was almost $500. SeaCLiff is the campground right down the beach from New Brighton but it is right on the ocean and double what New Brighton is. It does have full hookups so that’ll be nice. Anyway, that took the credit card up I’ll pay that in a few days. So lots of bills. The regular groceries, gas, etc is all okay.

I had my doctor’s visit yesterday and all is good. I’ll see him again in 2 months. There is nothing too much to discuss, but he’s always very attentive and asks about my issues( diarrhea, sleep, etc). After that, I headed up to the new Trader Joe’s.

I went to Trader Joe’s to get some snacks like corn chips, crackers, and salad stuff. I picked some wine, half and half, juice, some frozen things, and frozen fish. Last time I bought a piece of frozen salmon and it was really good so this time I picked up some ahi tuna to try. B went to Costco because they had a patio cover on sale. It was normally $159 and it was $40 off , so a very good deal. We have to have something over the patio as the sun in the summer blasts that area and we can’t eat outside unless there’s a cover. In the past, we’ve used the shade triangles but after a while, it just looks tacky. So this is a good thing.

We’re on a high wind alert and high fire danger today. It’s warm out @ 80 but it’s the dry wind that is potentially a problem. B did anchor the new patio cover with stakes but we might need to do some sandbags as well. Everything is drying out due to the wind. We try to keep the areas around the house green as a fire block but that means watering the yard.

Today is a home day with pottering around the house and yard. I want o clip the herbs and get started with drying. In our climate, oregano, and thyme are year-round plants but parsley, cilantro, basil, and tarragon are annuals. So I want to dry a good amount of each.

Here’s one of the cool rocks we picked from the beach. Lots of fossils and two cool holes. I try to always look for rocks with holes in them, not sure why.