I tallied up the groceries for the month, and the total was slightly over $500, which includes a lot of long-term food, both in the freezer and pantry. Overall, I’m pleased. I think for January, I’ll do a no spend/low-spend month and plan menus accordingly.
All the bills except our water bill are out now, so that’s good.
The rain is starting to come in and it looks like rainy weather for a full week. With Christmas next week, I’ll have to think about what days I want to go to Roseville. Probably, at least once.
I am looking forward to the new year. It’s 6 months to the day that Barclay died. Sometimes it seems surreal that it’s true. I miss the everyday things and sharing little things. That’s part of the hard part, I guess.
I went and looked at reservations for Tahoe, and of course, anything that was open is booked. So I’ll need to get on the website at 7am when I can to get something at the end of June already. I hate that part. But I did decide that no matter what, I’m going to go up (if I can get a spot), even if it’s with a tent. If we can’t buy something before that, I will make a list and plan accordingly, such as porta potty, a cover for the table, a cot, etc. I just feel I need to go, of course, all that depends on my cancer numbers and other mitigating factors (weather).
Well, I need to go figure out what else I’m doing for the day. What about you? Are you looking forward to 2026?
The transient and ever-changing nature of things. As with Wabi Sabi, impermanence of things and the beauty in the imperfect.
Mono no aware, Mono no aware (物の哀れ): This term translates to “the pathos of things” and is an aesthetic appreciation for the transient nature of life. It involves a gentle sadness or wistfulness at the passing of things and a deep sensitivity to their ephemeral nature. That’s exactly how I feel inmy life. It feels somewhat ‘unreal’ Barclay is not here with me to laugh with, joke with, travel with and everything in between. But I do take comfort in he’s not suffering anymore. It was a very difficult painful last 3 months of his life. Well, now to fall.
Fall is in full swing, here in N. Ca, I get the feeling of Mono no aware and Mujo, and wabi Sabi all rolled up together. We’ve had rain and cloudy days, as well as Tahoe-like days with big, fluffy clouds. I’ve had a few twinkly fires already, since the house stays cool even if it’s nice outside.
Just to back track a little here:
Barclay and I practised Zen Buddhism for many years after our Quaker roots seemed to fade away. However, Quakerism and Buddhism are very similar in fact. Both embrace simplicity and a WAY of life. Of course, Quakerism is rooted in a Christian context, and Buddhism in Eastern philosophy as taught by Buddha.
Right now, the impermanence of life is very real for me and maybe somewhat depressing. I am trying to embrace the Mujo concept because it does help me get through the day and realize that life does go on, and it will for me what whatever time I have left. Some of that is on my mind because of my rising kappa light chains and thinking about having to change treatments by January if they continue to go up.
I know that things will change, and I need to change too. But for now, I’ll try and take comfort in Mujo and mono no aware.
On a brighter note, my kids put together a very nice birthday for me. My son came and took a huge load to the dump( which I wanted done). We got a Round Table pizza, and my daughter had gone to Safeway for some small squares of cake to share. I didn’t have any champagne that day to celebrate, but I will soon.Turning 73 is not much different than 72 for me. The real change for me was at 70. Then I felt like I was getting old. Now, I’m old and just keep trying to do the things I love like swimming, walking, the gym and I hope some day in the near future doing some camping again. If i could afford the camper type van that’s what I’d do. We still ( my daughter and I) are going to check things out sometime in the spring. A small tent trailer is very doable, but I like the idea of self contained. Time will tell. Also, If I got one I’d get a loan so that the payment would be what we were paying for rubi. And we’d have the trailer as our trade in.
Well, I’ve rambled on a bit here, so that’s it for me. I do have the day home today after going to the gym yesterday, so I’ll do some tidying and make some sourdough bread.
I am continually having problems with our credit union accounts since I took Barclay off as primary. Everything has been screwed up, and I need to call again for the 6th time because my cc still says closed, and it’s not posting transactions. Geez, just give me a break. Hopefully, they can figure it out today because I am really irritated.
Anyway, I had an ok swim this week. The coast guard men are still using 3-4 lanes, so it’s difficult to get a lane. But I did eventually, but the pool closes for laps early a few mornings a week, and that happened to be one of them. Hopefully, next week, I can start back to some regular days.
After the pool, I went to WinCo for some salad stuff. From there, I had to go to the library because my books were due. But then I wouldn’t have to swing in there after my sleep doctor appt, and that’s the reason I did that. My appt went ok. He put the order in for the CPAP and I just have to wait for them to call. If I dont hear relatively soon I’ll call them. I’m not thrilled about it but if it’s what I have to do, I will.
I plan on getting my COVID/flu shot today, so I’m sure I’ll feel lousy tomorrow. But I planned it that way for the weekend. I do have a few things to do after my shot, but that should be ok since its effects usually happen later, after 12 hours or so.
I’m almost done with the first LOTR book, Fellowship of the Ring. I’ll keep reading, but I did get a few books from the library to read in between. One was Jean Carroll’s book, Not My Type. I just thought I’d browse through, but I really enjoyed it. Of course, she is a writer, so it is well written.
I’m trying not to be too sad about not going to Tahoe. I miss going with Barclay, and this was the weekend and all of next week we had booked. I did try to figure out a way to still go, but it was all too expensive. Renting an RV, even a small one, was generally $200 a night. So that was out.
Update: was on the phone forever, and they can’t figure something out, so it’ll need to go to their IT department. But at least the CC is working, so I can use it.
My new budget starts next week. So far, groceries have come in under $400, so I think I’m getting the hang of buying less.
I went to Costco this week and spent $233 on food. Freezer and pantry stuff brought it down to @150. For the pantry, it was granola, which lasts months, butter for the freezer also will last 3 months, pulled pork will be for at least 4 dinners over a few months, tamales, the same as they will be used over the next 3 months, and coffee, which will be about a month. Non-food came in at $70, about for batteries, hair conditioner, TP, and paper plates were on sale, so I picked them up for easy clean-up dinners. All of that will last for months.
For wine, I bought my favorite Juliet Rose and a fancy bottle of Sonoma-Cutrer wine. That was around $40.
Overall, I was pleased. Then I bought 2 pizzas for the tree crew that were here. I’ll show the pictures below.
We just got our Allstate car renewal, and it went up $1000 ( fuck Allstate) because of the claim that the scammer did, saying my car door scratched his. It’s a long story, but suffice to say, my door did not scratch his, but it did touch his passenger door, so Allstate had to favor his claim. It was a scam to begin with because then he got the money, and of course, didn’t go to the body shop. I tried to explain the setup because he was extremely aggressive verbally, and never even got out of his car, but took a picture ( or someone did) of my license plate. My guess is someone else was waiting with him in the parking lot. Oh well, done is done, but that is going to cause me extreme stress trying to pay that. I guess the best I can do is do the payment plan at this point.
On a positive note, the tree crane was here and took the tree. It was quite the job, as you can see. It took all day and then the next to deal with it all.
I’d had other plans to meet a friend for coffee, but that went out the window dealing with this. I hate dealing with this stuff, but I don’t have a choice. The other tree, I guess we’ll just have to wait on because it wasn’t in their system, but I’m going to try and convince them, but that will also take a crane( I think).
It would have been too much to do both anyway. All the wood is gone now, and it looks good. They did a good job.
Today, I’m going to Auburn and will drop off a load at Goodwill. It’s mostly stuff from Rubi that I know I’m not going to use if we get a tent trailer eventually. I still have the bathroom in Rubi to sort out, though.
It’s been a stressful week with my ortho appt, labs, the tree, etc. BTW, the shot hurt like hell, and my knee was really sore from it, but yesterday it started feeling a lot better. So hopefully in the next two weeks I can increase my walking. It takes about 2 weeks for the steroid to take effect.
Also, on a positive note, my labs came back about the same. Kappa went up to 20.5ml/g, so a slight increase from 19.8. Really, in the big picture, that’s not much. My ratio, though, did go up a bit because the lambda went down. If the Kappa goes up, Lambda down, then the ratio goes up.
The heat is back, and 98 * is hot for us. I think today it’s supposed to go to 99*. I’ll have to turn the coolers on by 10. Our PGE bill did go down some, though, so there’s that, I guess.
On a sad note, it’s our 55th anniversary soon. It makes me sad. We did have a wonderful life, even with the ups and downs of it. I’m planning a day trip to Tahoe soon, just not sure when. Burning Man is happening, so the freeway has lots of crazies, which also means the Tahoe area has some overflow. I’m hoping next week sometime.
Well, it’s been 2 months since Barclay died. Most stuff is handled, but there are still outliers. We need to sell the motorcycle and the trailer. We’re going to try for the motorcycle in September when it cools off. It may or may not sell. It’s a specific niche of a bike, so we’ll see. The trailer is another story, and I’m emptying it out slowly. Most of the camping stuff I’ll store so we can use it if we get the tent trailer.
Some things that need official death certificates, like the bank, I still need to do. Other things like PGE, and I’m just leaving alone for now. The water bill I got changed to my name alone. He had one cc in his name, and I’m leaving that too, as they will close that if it’s not used. I’ve put a lock on it, so that should be ok.
I’ve cleaned out some clothes, etc, and I have a few more things to do. Some favorite T-shirts I’m saving.
It’s definitely a strange place to be.
This coming week, I have my labs, and I’m getting another steroid shot in my knee. We also have PGE coming to take the big tree with a crane. They figured out the other big tree wasn’t in their system, although Barclay tried to get them to add it. Well, maybe another time. The one they’re taking is a huge tree with a lot of lean, and that’s why they need a crane. I’m concerned for our water line, but I will tell them to be careful how they drop tree parts. The other tree I suspect we’ll have to pay for at some point, but I can’t think about that now. So that’s going to be a very anxious day for me, as my anxiety goes way up with stuff like that. Usually, if B were here, he would handle it, and I would leave, but he’s not.
The rest of the week looks fine. Although I don’t know what day PGE is coming until Tuesday, when he’ll call me.
Right now, our weather has cooled and is quite nice. I’ve enjoyed sitting outside. Today is also nice, and then it looks like it heats up again later in the week.
My motivation to do things is very low. I’m pretty much forcing myself to go to the pool or the gym. I’m sure this will pass with more time, but for now, it’s weird for me to feel unmotivated. I did have a nice walk this morning, though. It’s been busy at the park during the week, so I’m not fond of passing 6 people walking, but today was empty, except for two guys fishing in the pond. In the past, when it got busy, I’d just go earlier and then no one’s there, but right now I’m not motivated to get there any earlier. 6:00 a.m. is about my limit, considering I get up at 5:30.
I’ve baked a few things in the Souper Cubes, and it’s loads of fun. I did banana bread and then zucchini bread. They are food-grade silicon, so you can bake right in them. Very cool. I froze most of it as my daughter and I can only get through so much.
Well, that’s it for the most part. just day by day.
It’s been so hot again. Today is the hottest at 99. The coolers go off and on all day. I always turn them off by 7:30, even if it’s still hot out. We have two more days of heat, and then it drops back into the 80s.
I’ve had fun reading this book,
It’s quite funny, although if you’re offended by the word fuck, then this isn’t for you. It’s quite motivating. I bought it as a Kindle book.
My walk was nice this morning. Only one person was showing up as I was leaving. My legs still don’t seem to be recovering as well as I’d like, and my app for iHealth still shows my walking steadiness as low. I’m guessing my right knee is still causing some lagging in my gait. Of course, that’s just a guess.
I picked up my holds at the library, and one was chair yoga and pilates. So far, I like it and may buy my own copy. I have it for 3 weeks, so I can give it a bit more time to see if it’s worth it.
The week ahead is Dr. appt in Sacramento, and Velcade in Roseville. That pretty much covers the week since Friday, I’ll take my Dex. My daughter starts back at her college job this week, too. We talked about maybe doing a day trip to Tahoe. Just the West Shore, as it is closer to Tahoe City. I’ll have to see how motivated I am to do that.
I still haven’t canceled one of the Tahoe trips in September. I guess I’m procrastinating. I’ll do it soon. We had booked 2 reservations that overlapped, so one will have to go, and even the one that’s left is questionable. I’m still not sure how we could pull it off without Rubi, and that is not an option. I suppose my son’s huge tent is an option, but not really a great one. I’d have to buy an air mattress and some other things, and I’m not sure I want to do that. I guess I’m waiting for some inspiration to show up. Kidding:)
My daughter has finished painting the studio, and it looks really nice. A pale green with a cream trim. We gave away the Ikea cabinet yesterday on Facebook Marketplace. Fortunately, the guy coming was nice and prompt. He had a van, so my daughter and he were able to slide it in. It was a brand-new hybrid Pacifica. Wow, it was quite nice. I checked the price and they run around 55K.
Well, off to do some stuff as I’m not heading out to the gym this morning.
I haven’t slept well on Dex these past few nights, so I feel like I’m running on empty. Hopefully, a nap today will catch me up. I go for my labs tomorrow and should have some results by Thursday. Fingers crossed it’s about the same. I felt so low, I didn’t even walk this morning, which is my favorite morning to walk.
Our weather is finally going to cool down, and next week looks super nice. I’d like to get back to eating out on the patio again. Plus, we can get more watering done if it’s not crazy hot.
We had a busy day yesterday with chores in town. We dropped off a load at Goodwill, went to the car wash, then down to the paint store. My daughter has a keen eye for color and picked some lovely shades of green for the studio. I picked up some misc we needed, like bee traps.
Then my son came over and did the metal load to the dump. He thinks there’s one more load of junk, and then the old wood would be the final trip for this year at least. I’m going to walk out there later and survey the situation. He hung around long enough for my brother to show up with tacos for us all. My brother needed my daughter to help him with some computer stuff. So all in all, a nice little family gathering.
I have my trip to the coast booked, and I’ll be bringing some of B’s ashes with me to scatter. It won’t be much, it’s sort of a token gesture. He loved that part of the coast, so it’ll be nice to be over there in his memory. After that, it’s still the Tahoe trip, but it’s completely undecided how we are doing it. I have the reservations(of course, because you have to book 6 months out), but I don’t really want to trailer with Rubi. We’re tossing around a few ideas, but nothing solid yet. I’m fairly sure I’m going to sell the trailer, but when is the question? Frankly, it’s too much for me to handle maintenance etc. Plus, I can’t drive the truck to even pull the trailer, and I have no desire to learn that. I don’t want the trailer just sitting there and not being used. So we’ll see. The thought has crossed my mind to see about a trade-in for something else, but I’m not sure what yet, so?? I guess these are the adjustments you just have to make when someone dies.
I’m staying home today and doing a once-around-the-house tidy up. I’ve washed inside windows and dusted. I have some brown rice cooking for dinner and plan on making a small rice chicken casserole. I have chicken shredded from the freezer that I want to use up.
I ordered a pair of compression socks from Bombas, and I hope they will help my legs. My knee seems to be doing ok, but my legs do get a sort of tired syndrome, so I’m hoping compression socks can help that. I guess that’s what nurses wear for their 12-hour shifts. I’ve decided I am going to get the next steroid shot, so I’ll call and see when I can get that. Does anyone wear compression socks regularly?
Other than that, not much else is happening. What’s happening in your neck of the woods? It’s always interesting to read about how other people live and the weather they have.
I am enjoying my new iMac. It’s so pretty and nice to work on. It was such a thoughtful thing my daughter did.
Yesterday, we ventured out to the pet bookstore. I picked up some old Hillerman, in which I always enjoy being immersed in the Southwest. After having lived in Tucson for 5 years and then a small stint in Santa Fe, the southwest does get into your being. I wouldn’t ever move there again, too many people, too much congestion, too many people using water that isn’t really there, etc, but we did love it when we were there. The smell of orange blossoms lining the neighborhoods is a favorite memory. Plus, riding our bikes all over town. Back then, you could still drive through campus, but that changed a number of years ago.
I also picked up a Japanese lifestyle book called Wa. I looked through it yesterday, and there are a few interesting ideas.
After the bookstore, we went and had some tacos.
I’m trying to stick to my routines as much as possible, but some days I just sit and do nothing. Today, I need to write my list for the week and figure out what I’m doing and when. I pick up Barclay’s ashes this week, so that day will be hard. I’ll probably just go down and straight back home.
I know I want to swim at least once. During my last swim, I felt much better, so I think I can catch up soon to where I was. Additionally, I want to go to the Maheny gym and the library.
Meal planning has gone out the window for now, and my daughter and I just figure out dinner daily. I do have lots of freezer stuff, so I am working with that. We did have a small BBQ on the 4th of some steak bits. That was yummy. We had a Cobb salad on the side. Mostly, I’m looking in the fridge, staring blankly, and then figuring out some game plan. Also, my daughter has been cooking meals up, which has been nice.
My son is coming up today to do some more dump run stuff. I hope he can get rid of all the metal stuff. ( old pool frames, carport frames, etc.) There’s still a load of old wood that needs to go too. In the past, B would just have a burn pile in the winter for the wood, but none of us want to do that. So to the dump it goes.
I gave away a few dozen canning jars for free the other day too. I’m not planning on doing a lot of canning so I figured someone could use them. They went very quickly and I will do another box soon.
Other than that, just hanging in there.
What wonderful things are you guys up to? I hope making the best of it.
But I did go to Winco once after swimming and spent $58, although $15 of that was a bottle of wine. So $43 for food. I also got gas at Costco, which is always a savings. Other than that, nothing was spent.
Today, I have to take Barclay down to Infusion in Rocklin. I was going to do a Trader Joe’s stop, but nothing is urgent, so I think I’ll wait. This will take about 4 1/2 hours, so my daughter will go down to get him at 2:30 or so.
The video visit with Dr. Neal was a waste of time. He really didn’t say anything of importance except that the one spot on his spleen was concerning. But I’ve read on the Facebook group that people will have their spleen removed during the surgery if it’s impacted. So now we wait again till we hear from Lee. Honestly, at this point, I think it should be our call. He’s the one taking the risk, and if this can remove tumors, then that’s what we want. So I think I’m going to be hopeful that it will go forward.
After I get home, I plan on processing the rest of the tomatoes from last summer I froze. So I have 3 bags to do. I think I’ll cook them down, then run them through the food mill and can them tomorrow. I also am planning to make chicken broth but will pressure can that. Does anyone use the Presto pressure canner that’s automated? Lots of people swear by it because there’s no waiting for the All-American to come up to pressure, then juggle at the right time, etc. I’ve looked at them on Amazon, and they run around $350, so a big investment.
We’ve booked a spot in Tahoe for September, so that’s exciting. Belived me that’s like winning the lottery to get a spot. It took us 6 tries to get a spot, so if you’re trying to do anything in Tahoe, beware of how long it can take and plan accordingly.
Wow, did we get a lot of rain yesterday!! It was pouring all day with quite a bit of wind too. Fortunately, no trees went down. We still need to figure out money for getting at least 2 more trees down. Maybe in 2025, we can do at least one. I was very glad we didn’t need to go out anywhere.
This morning though is nice and clear with a beautiful full moon. We walked and it was quite misty in the park. After we got back, we got right on the computers to try and book Nevada Beach for June. Since we don’t know what the situation will be, I figured to book it because otherwise, we wouldn’t be able to get in. Both of us tried and B got a spot. Tomorrow one of our favorite spots opens up so I’ll try for that but it’s definitely a lottery.
Today, I plan on going to the Auburn gym and then coming home to do some house stuff. It’s the bathroom zone this week so I’ll do that and add in the bedroom as both are quite simple to do. My desk area needs some attention so I’ll tidy that up.
The coming week looks good weatherwise and only one appt for B but that’s his video visit. I plan on swimming and going to Maheny gym and the library. I don’t have any holds available so I want to look at the catalog and see what I can put on hold.
I’ve made my through some freezer stuff this past week and will continue to do that this week. I’m planning on falafels tonight and I’ll work on the rest of the menu later.
I've been married for nearly 20 years to a wonderful husband and I'm a mom to three great kids ages 17, 16 and 14. Oh, and I just happen to have cancer. Multiple Myeloma is a cancer of the blood that is currently incurable but IS considered highly treatable! My goal is to make people laugh, cry or feel a little less alone whether you are a mom, cancer patient or BOTH!
Tahoe Girl 