So glad 2015 is over!

Its really been an awful year for me overall. Not that I’m being negative , its just starting in January with my root canal disasters. Then, that ending up as 2 tooth extractions. Then my cancer restaging  complete with X-rays, bone marrow biopsy , bence jones urine testing, on an on. Becoming refractory to Revlimid, starting Pomalyst…. Then month after month waiting for my numbers to change. No change:(  I’ve managed thru it and now i’m on the weekly VElcade. A lot of issues this year.

Then probably the worst , losing my best little job in the world, due to someone else’s stupidity. That has been the hardest, as I couldn’t understand how this happened  in the way it did. I’m still not ‘over ‘ it really. I’ve just accepted it now. But I wanted to keep working. I needed to do that and it was taken from me. All in all, out of my hands but still a life changing moment. I’ve thought of trying for another job, but I’m so limited. I can’t really work retail,

can’t really work too many hours, lift, etc. So, I think that this has been depressing for me to accept , that that’s it. If something came my way ,I’d certainly consider it but thats unlikely.

one reason I wanted to keep working was to increase y very meager SS. I never worked full time to collect a lot an this little job was helping to give me a little more. Now its stopped and won’t ever get more than the under $300 its set at. That too is difficult. How will retirement shape up..We still have a mortgage, etc, etc. So, the year had a lot of difficult things.

But theres also the good. My children are healthy as is y husband. He has a good job that gives us health insurance. He sold some of his company stock and we were able to re roof our house and take down the 2 giant trees. of course, with taxes we will be hit on that stock sale.. but it was worth getting somethings done.

I’m very grateful for many things this year,even if it was a difficult one. My cancer although active, isn’t creating a burden yet ,overall. the drugs have kept it at bay, and hopefully, the Velcade will drop my numbers in to the normal range.

So here’s to 2016 being an amazing and extraordinary year of wonder, good health, love, peace and prosperity!!


Christmas memories

Oddly, I remember very little of my childhood and even less of any particular Christmas. I do remember one when I must have been 11 or 12. I wanted to ski at a NY ski resort and have skis. My mother did not understand these things and we were very poor, so somehow she bought these really awful wood skis,( I know now were cross country skis). I was devastated as well, ‘what the hell am I going to do with these’? I vaguely remember a christmas after that my most often not present alcoholic father, came back from working on the Alaska pipeline. I remember a christmas tree in the house and maybe a doll?

Oh, I do remember my grandmother, who lived at that time in the Bronx, coming to our shabby abode, with a pillow case of christmas goodies. Cant remember anything exact, but I remember waiting for her at the end of our long road.

BUT, I remember every Christmas since then with B starting in 1969, when we werent even married yet and then everyone from that point forward. I made a big deal of christmas for my 2 children, undoubtedly , compensating for my own lack of. It was never fancy stuff, as we were in to waldorf education, never had any money,so it was natural wood toys, etc. But, I made sure there was pretty decorations, lovely,mostly vegetarian food and magic…..

Santa,(my husband) would be down there (in the front room) putting out stuff at 4 am. My daughter, then my son ,would be up very early to see it all. I truly loved it and loved being able to do that for my kids. Both my children remember things from when they were 3 or younger. I’m amazed at that considering how little I remember. Its like my life really started when I meet B and we started our life together. We didn’t even have our daughter till we’d been married 15 years and I was 33. So, we certainly did things a little different.

Anyway, good memories of our last 45 years together. This year still lots of nice memories, especially going out to get the tree in South Lake Tahoe…