Category Archives: cancer

Simple Sunday and how things are going.

Posted in Blood test, budgets, California, camping, cancer, Death, freezer cooking, Walking by

Well, it’s been 2 months since Barclay died. Most stuff is handled, but there are still outliers. We need to sell the motorcycle and the trailer. We’re going to try for the motorcycle in September when it cools off. It may or may not sell. It’s a specific niche of a bike, so we’ll see. The trailer is another story, and I’m emptying it out slowly. Most of the camping stuff I’ll store so we can use it if we get the tent trailer.

Some things that need official death certificates, like the bank, I still need to do. Other things like PGE, and I’m just leaving alone for now. The water bill I got changed to my name alone. He had one cc in his name, and I’m leaving that too, as they will close that if it’s not used. I’ve put a lock on it, so that should be ok.

I’ve cleaned out some clothes, etc, and I have a few more things to do. Some favorite T-shirts I’m saving.

It’s definitely a strange place to be.

This coming week, I have my labs, and I’m getting another steroid shot in my knee. We also have PGE coming to take the big tree with a crane. They figured out the other big tree wasn’t in their system, although Barclay tried to get them to add it. Well, maybe another time. The one they’re taking is a huge tree with a lot of lean, and that’s why they need a crane. I’m concerned for our water line, but I will tell them to be careful how they drop tree parts. The other tree I suspect we’ll have to pay for at some point, but I can’t think about that now. So that’s going to be a very anxious day for me, as my anxiety goes way up with stuff like that. Usually, if B were here, he would handle it, and I would leave, but he’s not.

The rest of the week looks fine. Although I don’t know what day PGE is coming until Tuesday, when he’ll call me.

Right now, our weather has cooled and is quite nice. I’ve enjoyed sitting outside. Today is also nice, and then it looks like it heats up again later in the week.

My motivation to do things is very low. I’m pretty much forcing myself to go to the pool or the gym. I’m sure this will pass with more time, but for now, it’s weird for me to feel unmotivated. I did have a nice walk this morning, though. It’s been busy at the park during the week, so I’m not fond of passing 6 people walking, but today was empty, except for two guys fishing in the pond. In the past, when it got busy, I’d just go earlier and then no one’s there, but right now I’m not motivated to get there any earlier. 6:00 a.m. is about my limit, considering I get up at 5:30.

I’ve baked a few things in the Souper Cubes, and it’s loads of fun. I did banana bread and then zucchini bread. They are food-grade silicon, so you can bake right in them. Very cool. I froze most of it as my daughter and I can only get through so much.

Well, that’s it for the most part. just day by day.

Simple Sunday

Posted in books, budgeting, budgets, California, camping, cancer, decluttering, Lake tahoe, library, Uncategorized, Walking by

It’s been so hot again. Today is the hottest at 99. The coolers go off and on all day. I always turn them off by 7:30, even if it’s still hot out. We have two more days of heat, and then it drops back into the 80s.

I’ve had fun reading this book,

It’s quite funny, although if you’re offended by the word fuck, then this isn’t for you. It’s quite motivating. I bought it as a Kindle book.

My walk was nice this morning. Only one person was showing up as I was leaving. My legs still don’t seem to be recovering as well as I’d like, and my app for iHealth still shows my walking steadiness as low. I’m guessing my right knee is still causing some lagging in my gait. Of course, that’s just a guess.

I picked up my holds at the library, and one was chair yoga and pilates. So far, I like it and may buy my own copy. I have it for 3 weeks, so I can give it a bit more time to see if it’s worth it.

The week ahead is Dr. appt in Sacramento, and Velcade in Roseville. That pretty much covers the week since Friday, I’ll take my Dex. My daughter starts back at her college job this week, too. We talked about maybe doing a day trip to Tahoe. Just the West Shore, as it is closer to Tahoe City. I’ll have to see how motivated I am to do that.

I still haven’t canceled one of the Tahoe trips in September. I guess I’m procrastinating. I’ll do it soon. We had booked 2 reservations that overlapped, so one will have to go, and even the one that’s left is questionable. I’m still not sure how we could pull it off without Rubi, and that is not an option. I suppose my son’s huge tent is an option, but not really a great one. I’d have to buy an air mattress and some other things, and I’m not sure I want to do that. I guess I’m waiting for some inspiration to show up. Kidding:)

My daughter has finished painting the studio, and it looks really nice. A pale green with a cream trim. We gave away the Ikea cabinet yesterday on Facebook Marketplace. Fortunately, the guy coming was nice and prompt. He had a van, so my daughter and he were able to slide it in. It was a brand-new hybrid Pacifica. Wow, it was quite nice. I checked the price and they run around 55K.

Well, off to do some stuff as I’m not heading out to the gym this morning.

Thankful Thursday and a reality check.

Posted in budgets, California, cancer, Gratitude, Retirement, social security by

I’m thankful that most of the things I’ve had to deal with, like changing me to primary, have been met with support and graciousness from the customer service people. Even changing the AARP was easy enough, and they even sent a sympathy card which was very sweet. Verizon was a challenge, and I didn’t end up changing much because it started to get way too complicated.

I still need to go to the bank to take him off the account, but I will make an appointment to do that. When I talked with them yesterday, the teller was very kind and told me what I needed to bring.

I’m sure there are a few outliers that still need to be dealt with, but that can come later.

I’m so thankful my LLS is back and I can give a sigh of relief that my UHC insurance will be covered. They increased my premium because it’s only me now.

The reality check is at our ages,72 and 74, there was no life insurance, no CDs to fall back on, no IRAs, no massive savings, just SS. The reality is we were never in a position to be able to have that kind of money. We really just got by. After my myeloma diagnosis in 2005, I couldn’t work at anything major, but when I got my little library job in 2007, that boosted my SS points, and that was the reason for doing that to some extent. Besides, I loved that job.

Fortunately, even with still having a mortgage, SS was enough to get by on. The reality of losing almost 1/3 of SS is tough, but I’ve mostly figured it out, and some bills are lower. This summer we’re watering way less and don’t have a vegetable garden( Barclay was starting to go downhill in the spring), and no one felt like gardening. So our water bill is less. Ditto with our Verizon bill because I cancelled his phone. Since my son is using the truck for now, he’s giving me money for that, which helps.

Thankful for what is.

Simple Sunday

Posted in budgeting, California, cancer, Death, decluttering, home stuff, husband, Walking by

The light is shifting in both the morning and evening. The other day was Lammas, so cross-quarter. For some reason, I always feel the shift, even if it’s 90 degrees out. My walk this morning at 6 am was nice, and again, it’s just a tad darker. No one showed up, which was unusual. Generally, there is at least one or two people. So that was nice. I’m still not up to a full mile yet with my knee, but I’m getting there.

Today, I plan to go to the Auburn gym and then drop a load off at Goodwill. It’s a bit of miscellany from around the house. I’ll do another round when I get motivated to go out to the garden shed. Since Barclay died, I haven’t had much motivation with things, but I guess that’s normal.

My son and daughter moved the trailer to a new spot, so the tires aren’t in the same spot. I haven’t been out there yet, but I will go out today. I also need to continue taking things out, like dishes. I won’t get rid of them because our plan is to get the tent trailer, so we’ll need stuff for that. I think the ease of pulling a tent trailer will suit my daughter and me.

We started watching the New Star Trek, with Captain Pike. It’s really quite good and really keeps to the Star Trek theme. It’s on Paramount, if you’re interested. I also watched the PBS production of Patience. It’s really a rerun of the French Astrid, but I enjoyed it. I also finished watching Murder on an Island, which takes place off the coast of Canada near French Quebec.

It’s my son’s birthday this week. 31 yo. Where does the time go?? He was a wonderful child, and he has grown into a wonderful young man. There are 9 years between my daughter and him, and he was a BIG surprise. I remember saying, I’M WHAT??? I was almost 42 when he was born.

Well, what things are you up to these days? I read a few blogs, but not as many as I used to. I do love peeking into other people’s lives. I guess that’s why I was a psychology major in college, and counseling in graduate school, and clinical psychology in a doctoral program, which I didn’t finish. No regrets, it was all a journey.

Five on Friday

Posted in Blood test, budgeting, budgets, California, cancer, Myeloma, travel, Uncategorized by

We had the most wonderful thunderstorm and rain last night with lightning. We got a lot of rain, and the ground is pretty soaked for now. Yeah, for the rain. Although not so good, it started a lightning fire across the canyon, but I think I saw it was contained.

A low spend week for the most part. My daughter went to Costco after work for a few things, namely dishwasher pods that we needed. Plus water and just a few other things. Food came to @ $47, and then the wine I want to take to the coast was $18. It’s called Sonoma-Cutrer. I haven’t had it before, but it’s supposed to be good.

All the July bills are done, so I have August’s budget almost done. With SS decreasing, I have made a few adjustments. I think mostly it’ll be decreasing food costs and miscellaneous expenses. Most of our bills are fixed, so I can’t do anything there.

Let see, the good news is LLS opened funding for Myeloma, so I hopped on the website and was approved. I just need the doctor to fill out his form. Having that money will be a great help in paying for my insurance.

Other good news is, my kappa light chains stayed about the same, 19.8. So up from 19.6, but that’s really marginal. So good news on that front.

I had fairly good energy this week after the low with Dex. I got the living room ceiling painted. It took 2 days working for about 30 minutes each time. I also went to the paint store and bought another gallon of Simply White. Except for the bathroom, our whole house is painted that color. It makes it easy to do touch-ups and keeps the look clean and minimal.

Well, I’m off to do some tidying and put some stuff away.

Five on Friday/Frugal Friday

Posted in budgeting, budgets, California, cancer, Credit cards, frugalism, husband, knee injury, Multiple myeloma, Myeloma, velcade, Walking by

Frugal-wise, I’m not in the Cotswolds like Mavis over at $100 a month. She probably should change the name of her blog. But she’s got the money, so why not enjoy it? Plus, she loves England.

Here in my neck of the woods, N. Ca, it’s been too hot to do much outside. The temps are much nicer in the coming week, but still some 90’s, and I saw it gets in the low 80’s, so that will be much nicer. I miss sitting outside in the mornings and afternoons.

Money-wise, just paying bills, and I had to pay the overpayment from SS. It’s ok, I’ll deal with it. It’s done, and I’m going forward. I just need to work the budget with the SS I’m getting. I’m still working on my credit card bill because I put the cremation on there. But I should be able to knock it down next month. I hate having a balance. But needs must.

After my Velcade shot, I stopped at Costco to pick up some lox for the bagels I bought at Noah’s. I also picked up some rose wine( my favorite) and a Gloria Ferrier champagne-type brut. I wanted Mumm rose, but they were out.

I gave my daughter $100 in cash to buy the paint for the studio. She’s really done a great job clearing it out and rearranging it to suit her. We might go get that today as long as she drives, since I’m on Dex. I don’t sleep well on Dex nights, and last night was no exception.

I also have a food bank donation to drop off and some more stuff for Goodwill.

I’ve almost finished most of my list of things to do related to B. If something comes up, it’ll be an outlier I don’t know about. I may take care of a few things today or not. It depends on my focusing on which Dex does affect. So we’ll see.

I’m still debating getting the next steroid shot for my knee. Mostly it’s ok. When I try and do a little extra walking or swimming, it acts up, but then I seem to recover the next day. The shot did help quite a bit, so there’s that.

Simple Sunday on Monday

Posted in Blood test, books, California, cancer, Death, Myeloma, reading, Uncategorized by

This heat wave we’re having is doing me in. 96 yesterday and the same for today. Ugh. I think a bit of a cooling trend starts on Tuesday, but it’s not huge. I read all my library books, so I picked from my shelf some old Hillerman and looked through some decluttering books. You know I’m desperate when that starts happening. I do plan on going to the library tomorrow so I can get my hold and a few others as well. I was planning on going on Thursday after my Velcade shot, but my hold expires by then, so I need to get it before that.

Menu planning is still hit or miss these days. I still have the basic menu plan going of using things from the freezer and fridge, but I’m not super motivated. It’s probably a combination of the heat and just finding a new ‘normal’ balance. My daughter bought an air fryer on Prime Day, so she’s been experimenting with that. So far, she’s made sweet potato fries and wild cod in panko. Both excellent.

Sunday- used up a bag of Trader Joe’s chicken chow mein with added chicken.

Monday- Tofu something as I have 2 containers to use up. I also have some broccoli to use.

Tuesday- I’ve been feeling like crock pot pintos, so I think I’ll do that with tortillas and avocado if they’re ripe. I bought the bag(6) from Costco. It takes a while for them to ripen, but as soon as they start to ripen, I put them all in the fridge and they will last weeks in there.

Wednesday- I think we’ll do spaghetti with marinara and maybe some meatballs.

Thursday- Freezer meal of some sort. I need to go out to the chest freezer( that’s in our outside laundry room) and check.

Friday- I’ll make a pizza if it’s not too hot.

Saturday- ?? TBD

Today I’m going to meet my library friends for a coffee. They have been very supportive, and the one gal is the one whose husband died of Myeloma a few years back. His Myeloma came on very fast, he was in his 80s, and Sutter really didn’t address his issues or treatment till it was too late. It was very sad.

All in all, things are ok. I’m still cleaning out B’s desk of odds and ends, like pens and notebooks. Nothing major, just a little at a time.

I have my Velcade shot this week and then Dex days. Actually, the dex isn’t too awful when I do it between 2 days. It’s still Dex no matter what, but it’s less intense. Then I’ll go get my labs next week.

Friday Things

Posted in budgets, California, cancer, Death, frugalism, husband, peritoneal mesothelomia, Uncategorized by

I’m still processing things from Barclay’s death. It’s very weird, honestly, to be the person left to keep on going. I take some comfort in that he lived a good life and got to be 74, almost 75. Look at those poor kids in the Texas flood who didn’t get past 10. Very sad. The last year has been so hard watching his decline, and the last 3 months were pretty awful. He really didn’t have a chance with peritoneal mesothelioma. It’s just one of those cancers that you don’t get over and go into remission. I got the letter already from SS, which I’m happy about, so I don’t have to go into the office. I’m losing over $1000 a month, so quite a hit. I’m sure there will be ways to figure it out. I cancelled his UHC, so that and his Medicare covers almost $500. Insurance is outrageous. The rest, I don’t know. I do plan on selling the Triumph in a few months, so that will, if it sells, generate a few dollars. The totally weird thing was when I called Allstate to take him off as a driver, she said our insurance WILL GO UP ANOTHER $125. WYF??? After talking to our local agent, she got it to go up only $65, so half. The issue is his good driver discount being taken off. JFC, really? Oh well, done is done.

I’ve gotten through most of my list of things to do. There’s still the bank where I need to take him off our account, but I’ll get to it eventually.

As I said, very weird to deal with this stuff. We all miss him so much.

My daughter ordered this from Shutterfly. We hung it out on the upper patio where he spent the last 4 months of his life sitting when the weather was nice.

Frugal wise, I haven’t been spending too much. I did order a new Speedo from Amazon on Prime since I need a new one. I go through a swimsuit about once a year, with the chlorine from the pool. It was 30% off, so it was a good deal. I also bought some black frames for some watercolor pictures my daughter has done, and some that B did too.

I signed my daughter up as a user on my Costco card, so she went in after work and did some shopping. I appreciate the effort. Mostly it was flavored waters, olive oil, coffee, and some wild cod. She’s very susceptible to histamine attacks, so she’s been on a low-histamine diet, hence the fish purchase. The total came to a little over $100.

Our weather is very hot, and the coolers are running most of the day. If I close everything up, I can usually wait till 11 am, and I always turn them off by 8pm, even if it’s still hot out.

I started going to LLS every morning to apply for my grant, but so far, there’s no luck with funding. I’m hoping the wait isn’t too long, as I depend on that money for my insurance.

My son is using B’s truck since his car( older Subaru) is leaking oil. So he got off work early yesterday and took a load to the dump. There are still 2 more to go with metal stuff, and then the old wood from the chicken coop. It was hot yesterday, so I appreciate him doing it and getting it done. I’m pretty sure we’ll keep the truck, but unsure about Rubi. I just don’t know if I can emotionally handle going out in the RV without him. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see when the time comes, and we can plan something. My daughter has volunteered to be the driver, which she can totally handle; it’s more me dealing with it. Plus, Rubi is really designed for a couple, not 2 people. It’s one bed, and the couch does fold down, but it is very uncomfortable to sleep on. So another decision down the road.

Well, that wraps up what’s going on here.

How’s things in your world?? Summer plans?

Friday Things/ Happy 4th or is it for this country?

Posted in California, cancer, husband, peritoneal mesothelomia, Political things, swimming by

I dont really need to go into it any more than that as I’m sure you are all aware of how awful that bill is and how many 17 million people will lose health care. What a travesty. History will tell the tale of this being the worst administration in history. It’s cruelty, racist, white nationalism, harming LGBTQ+, and on and on and on.

I managed another swim so I feel like I’m slowly getting back to some routine. The pool was glorious as it was not busy. I feel I’m floundering with my schedule so I would like to try and figure out a ‘new’ one going forward. I’m also somewhat depressed so I’m not feeling very motivated but hopefully this will pass.

After the pool, I went across the street to Winco and spent $75 some of that was wine for the week ahead. Then I crossed the parking lot and went into Trader Joes. I spent about $100 there but got lots of our favorites. I picked a few frozen meals, hatch chile and macaroni , and their green chile tamales too. I also got eggs, milk, bread and some other basics.

I’ve had some very touching cards from a few people about Barclay but the 2 most endearing were the two people who donated to a tree planting in B’s name. We too are going to plant a tree this fall for him. He loved trees and his BA was in forestry so there’s a link plus all the years he worked part time for the Forest Service were important to him. He was a firefighter for a number of years( starting in 1974) with the Forest Service and we kind of think that may have had a link to him getting the mesothelioma, although know can ever really tell. I think our best guess is it was just a break down of DNA like him getting MDS, a blood cancer. Unfortunately, meso, is a tumor load cancer and therein lies the difficulty with treatment.

I’ve gotten through quite a bit of tasks to be done but there are still more to do which I hope to finish next week.

He was on KVMR radio for 25 years as a broadcaster with his show being all about Dylan. So he has quite a few CD’s of his show so I plan on buying a CD player so I can listen to some. Of course, we had an old CD player that we used for camping but got rid of that when we got Rubi.

A beautiful evening to die.

Posted in California, cancer, Death by

Barclay died at 6:57 on Juneteenth. A fitting day for him as he was all about equality, diversity, and inclusion. He was a conscientious objector during the Vietnam War because of his Quaker beliefs. So Juneteenth was a perfect backdrop.

We were all there ( both kids and I), and it was a cool sunny evening. Death is never pretty, but he died as peacefully as expected.

At some point, we will take his ashes to the Lake Tahoe area and scatter them. There are quite a few things to take care of, but I figure I’ll get to them when I do. We had all the important stuff done, but now there’s still misc like removing him from different accounts and such. I’m not in any hurry, and like I said, I’ll get to it eventually.

I miss him. I guess after being with someone for 55 years, that’s expected. In some ways, we had a storybook life of adventure and travels. Money-wise, we never did that one very well, but here we are.

My daughter was amazing in the last few days, taking care of medication every 2 hours and keeping track of things. The nurses were all impressed with her efficiency. My son is having a harder time with it all, but he’s been here helping do stuff and move things back to where they go since we had a lot of equipment in here. Everyone grieves differently, and I suspect him keeping busy will help him.

Still smiling! He loves his Triumph motorcycle.

Up at Tahoe House in Tahoe City, ca

In healthier times.