Category Archives: cancer

Friday Things

Posted in budgets, California, cancer, Death, frugalism, husband, peritoneal mesothelomia, Uncategorized by

I’m still processing things from Barclay’s death. It’s very weird, honestly, to be the person left to keep on going. I take some comfort in that he lived a good life and got to be 74, almost 75. Look at those poor kids in the Texas flood who didn’t get past 10. Very sad. The last year has been so hard watching his decline, and the last 3 months were pretty awful. He really didn’t have a chance with peritoneal mesothelioma. It’s just one of those cancers that you don’t get over and go into remission. I got the letter already from SS, which I’m happy about, so I don’t have to go into the office. I’m losing over $1000 a month, so quite a hit. I’m sure there will be ways to figure it out. I cancelled his UHC, so that and his Medicare covers almost $500. Insurance is outrageous. The rest, I don’t know. I do plan on selling the Triumph in a few months, so that will, if it sells, generate a few dollars. The totally weird thing was when I called Allstate to take him off as a driver, she said our insurance WILL GO UP ANOTHER $125. WYF??? After talking to our local agent, she got it to go up only $65, so half. The issue is his good driver discount being taken off. JFC, really? Oh well, done is done.

I’ve gotten through most of my list of things to do. There’s still the bank where I need to take him off our account, but I’ll get to it eventually.

As I said, very weird to deal with this stuff. We all miss him so much.

My daughter ordered this from Shutterfly. We hung it out on the upper patio where he spent the last 4 months of his life sitting when the weather was nice.

Frugal wise, I haven’t been spending too much. I did order a new Speedo from Amazon on Prime since I need a new one. I go through a swimsuit about once a year, with the chlorine from the pool. It was 30% off, so it was a good deal. I also bought some black frames for some watercolor pictures my daughter has done, and some that B did too.

I signed my daughter up as a user on my Costco card, so she went in after work and did some shopping. I appreciate the effort. Mostly it was flavored waters, olive oil, coffee, and some wild cod. She’s very susceptible to histamine attacks, so she’s been on a low-histamine diet, hence the fish purchase. The total came to a little over $100.

Our weather is very hot, and the coolers are running most of the day. If I close everything up, I can usually wait till 11 am, and I always turn them off by 8pm, even if it’s still hot out.

I started going to LLS every morning to apply for my grant, but so far, there’s no luck with funding. I’m hoping the wait isn’t too long, as I depend on that money for my insurance.

My son is using B’s truck since his car( older Subaru) is leaking oil. So he got off work early yesterday and took a load to the dump. There are still 2 more to go with metal stuff, and then the old wood from the chicken coop. It was hot yesterday, so I appreciate him doing it and getting it done. I’m pretty sure we’ll keep the truck, but unsure about Rubi. I just don’t know if I can emotionally handle going out in the RV without him. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see when the time comes, and we can plan something. My daughter has volunteered to be the driver, which she can totally handle; it’s more me dealing with it. Plus, Rubi is really designed for a couple, not 2 people. It’s one bed, and the couch does fold down, but it is very uncomfortable to sleep on. So another decision down the road.

Well, that wraps up what’s going on here.

How’s things in your world?? Summer plans?

Friday Things/ Happy 4th or is it for this country?

Posted in California, cancer, husband, peritoneal mesothelomia, Political things, swimming by

I dont really need to go into it any more than that as I’m sure you are all aware of how awful that bill is and how many 17 million people will lose health care. What a travesty. History will tell the tale of this being the worst administration in history. It’s cruelty, racist, white nationalism, harming LGBTQ+, and on and on and on.

I managed another swim so I feel like I’m slowly getting back to some routine. The pool was glorious as it was not busy. I feel I’m floundering with my schedule so I would like to try and figure out a ‘new’ one going forward. I’m also somewhat depressed so I’m not feeling very motivated but hopefully this will pass.

After the pool, I went across the street to Winco and spent $75 some of that was wine for the week ahead. Then I crossed the parking lot and went into Trader Joes. I spent about $100 there but got lots of our favorites. I picked a few frozen meals, hatch chile and macaroni , and their green chile tamales too. I also got eggs, milk, bread and some other basics.

I’ve had some very touching cards from a few people about Barclay but the 2 most endearing were the two people who donated to a tree planting in B’s name. We too are going to plant a tree this fall for him. He loved trees and his BA was in forestry so there’s a link plus all the years he worked part time for the Forest Service were important to him. He was a firefighter for a number of years( starting in 1974) with the Forest Service and we kind of think that may have had a link to him getting the mesothelioma, although know can ever really tell. I think our best guess is it was just a break down of DNA like him getting MDS, a blood cancer. Unfortunately, meso, is a tumor load cancer and therein lies the difficulty with treatment.

I’ve gotten through quite a bit of tasks to be done but there are still more to do which I hope to finish next week.

He was on KVMR radio for 25 years as a broadcaster with his show being all about Dylan. So he has quite a few CD’s of his show so I plan on buying a CD player so I can listen to some. Of course, we had an old CD player that we used for camping but got rid of that when we got Rubi.

A beautiful evening to die.

Posted in California, cancer, Death by

Barclay died at 6:57 on Juneteenth. A fitting day for him as he was all about equality, diversity, and inclusion. He was a conscientious objector during the Vietnam War because of his Quaker beliefs. So Juneteenth was a perfect backdrop.

We were all there ( both kids and I), and it was a cool sunny evening. Death is never pretty, but he died as peacefully as expected.

At some point, we will take his ashes to the Lake Tahoe area and scatter them. There are quite a few things to take care of, but I figure I’ll get to them when I do. We had all the important stuff done, but now there’s still misc like removing him from different accounts and such. I’m not in any hurry, and like I said, I’ll get to it eventually.

I miss him. I guess after being with someone for 55 years, that’s expected. In some ways, we had a storybook life of adventure and travels. Money-wise, we never did that one very well, but here we are.

My daughter was amazing in the last few days, taking care of medication every 2 hours and keeping track of things. The nurses were all impressed with her efficiency. My son is having a harder time with it all, but he’s been here helping do stuff and move things back to where they go since we had a lot of equipment in here. Everyone grieves differently, and I suspect him keeping busy will help him.

Still smiling! He loves his Triumph motorcycle.

Up at Tahoe House in Tahoe City, ca

In healthier times.

Simple Sunday and some updates

Posted in California, cancer, Lake tahoe, Walking by

Today, Father’s Day, would have been the day we left for Tahoe for the week, so that’s a little hard for me. Barclay isn’t all that aware, so I don’t think he remembers.

Things are about the same here, maybe a little worse.

We had hospice come on three different days: one was the intake nurse, one was the RN who would be our nurse, and then the social worker. It was all good, although a bit overwhelming. The nurse set up getting a wheelchair, bedside commode, oxygen, a shower chair, and a walker. So, lots of stuff.

He’s using the oxygen, so that helps some. We’re all taking turns being around so he has someone here. We all gave him his Father’s Day cards this morning, too.

Overall, just being here.

We’ve had simple meals( my daughter and I) like Costco pulled pork on tortillas, salads, hot dogs, and one night just sandwiches.

It’s been nice weather and not too hot at all.

Today, my son is coming up to do some yard work and take some cardboard to recycle. He still needs to plan the dump runs, as there is a lot to take to really clean up around the barn. My daughter has the chicken coop almost all the way down. She’s done an incredible job, really.

I’ve had a few nice walks and am rotating my PT exercises so that continues. My knee seems to be doing better overall all and I’m not using my brace anymore, just a compression sleeve.

This coming week I have Velcade, so that’ll be interesting. My daughter had to change her work week so she could be here for me when I’m gone. I don’t have any plans to go to the pool or the gym till we’re done with hospice. No sense trying to add something else in right now.

I hope your world is a happy one, and on a positive note, the No Kings demonstrations were a huge success. Let’s hope the orange man starts to act like a president.

Midweek Musings

Posted in California, cancer, cooking, hospice, peritoneal mesothelomia by

We met with the hospice intake nurse yesterday. I was so impressed with the efficiency and information. She was so obliging with everything. She made a list of what B needs, like oxygen, a shower chair, etc, and by 5:30 that evening, it was being delivered. I was kind of blown away. They showed us how the oxygen works, so when he needs it, it’ll be there. He hasn’t really needed it yet.

Today, I need to go to town to pick up his medication. All of his meds now will be through hospice, but his pain med had already been filled yesterday. I couldn’t go get it because my daughter headed down to work.

Last night I did the big salad of spring mix, tomatoes, cucumbers, and the leftover polenta. Then I pan-fried the Costco breaded chicken(freezer), which, by the way, is quite good. B ate some polenta and a bit of salad.

The nurse gave us a binder with info and a 24-hour call number if anything comes up. My biggest concern is B falling. Especially because it most likely will be his low blood counts that he will succumb to. When his hemoglobin drops too low, then that’ll probably be it. The drop in hemoglobin will cause him to be even more unsteady.

I’m continuing to putter around the house, and I have a nice little load to go to Goodwill. Any duplicates of things are what I’m focusing on. Also, in the kitchen, I have a number of OXO containers I’m not using and don’t foresee using, so I’m passing those on. As always, I am looking around for ways to streamline the house. It makes it so much easier to tidy up, clean, and maintain.

I hope these days find you well and living your best life. Life can turn on a dime, as they say.

Menu

Posted in California, cancer, cooking, Death, husband, meal planning by

We are eating very light salads and meals.

Sunday night, we had a Greek pasta salad, and B ate some! That made me happy.

Monday- left-over Greek salad, and my daughter made a pan of polenta with herbs and cheese.

Tuesday- something Mexican. I have beans and rice, so I just need to add a protein.

Wednesday- I want to use some pasta (fettuccine from TJ’s) in the freezer. I’ll add grilled chicken or some shrimp.

Thursday- Again, some freezer meal to keep working our way through stuff. Plus, I have a container of spring mix to use for a salad.

Friday- not sure. My son is coming up to get the truck and smog it. He’s spending the night because the next day he’s going to do a dump run. Of course, all this depends on how B is doing.

All in all, we’re keeping it very simple. Nothing too involved. Just simple food.

Anyone who has had cancer or is going through end of life recognizes how small your world becomes. You just don’t go out a lot or even really care about much except what’s next. I’d love to go down to the pool or the gym, but I’ll have to see how each day shapes up. If I can, I’ll try and do something this week.

We did a phone intake with hospice yesterday. It was very thorough, so we’ll see what today brings.

Simple Sunday

Posted in budgets, California, cancer, Death, husband by

First, I want to thank subscriber T for a generous donation to help us through our rough times here. I’m always so humbled that people would consider this at all. Maybe it has to do with feeling insecure about my value or even this blog. But T, thank you for thinking of us.

Another warm day here in N. Ca. I’ve been closing the house down by 8am so the cool stays inside. We turned the coolers on a little earlier yesterday and will again today.

I walked yesterday and today in the park. I’m still not quite up to the .75 mark, but close. I got to .68. No one has been there, which has been very nice. Just me and all the Canada goose families. I’ve done really well this week, not using my cane and trying to walk steadily. I’ve done my PT exercises every other day, and I do think, especially, the ones on the massage table are helping. I just need to keep it up and not think that if my knee feels better to stop.

Now, for some recapping of the situation. B’s doctor said there’s nothing more to do. The PET scan showed disease progression, so the immunotherapy is not doing anything. She was very compassionate about it all. Now we wait for hospice to call us, which should be tomorrow or at least early next week. It is incredibly sad and feels a bit surreal. I’m sure those who have lost a spouse can relate. My son is taking it particularly hard, and I hope he feels he can talk to me. All in all, it really just means waiting, which is also incredibly hard.

We had reservations to go to Tahoe for Father’s Day week, and that will be tough to realize we won’t do that anymore. I haven’t cancelled the reservation yet, probably because of denial. But I will do so this week.

I’m trying to do my ‘normal’ stuff to keep things normal, I guess. Once we meet with hospice, we’ll know more about how to proceed. I don’t have a clue, really.

I hope you out there in blog land are having a Simple Sunday. If you want to share what you’re doing today.

A picture of the coreopsis and a cactus

Frugal Friday

Posted in budgets, California, cancer, frugalism by

I’ve had 3 no-spend days while home this week.

I went to WinCo on Monday and spent about $30 on food. I didn’t need a lot there.

Then Wednesday after Sacramento, I went to Costco. Food was $190. My main reason for going was to get B the shoes(Sketchers) that you just slip on your feet. He’s quite unstable walking, so these have good support. He is using a cane, but still.

I’ll try and avoid grocery stores for a while:)

Today is almost a no-spend day. We are having someone come and finish the weed eating on the lower part of the property. I have a cash envelope for that, though.

I’m planning to go to the gym after he starts. The library doesn’t open till 10 on Fridays, so I don’t need to get there by 9. I need to get gas at Costco too for the coming week. I also have a Goodwill drop-off to do. It’s very convenient since it’s right across from the library/gym. They’re not very friendly, but that doesn’t really matter, I guess.

Some of the first of the month bills are out, but the bulk come out next week.

I’m thinking about a schedule for swimming and the gym. Not sure yet, plus it depends on how B is feeling. Someone needs to be here at all times with him. My daughter has a few work shifts next week, so that will change my schedule.

Yesterday I BBQed some chicken, and so we have some leftovers for lunch today.

I’ll update on Barclay soon. It’s hard to process, so I’m leaving it till I feel I can.

Thankful Thursday

Posted in California, cancer, Gratitude by

It’s difficult to be thankful right now when everything feels so bleak. But I must remember that this too will pass, and the pain of right now will also pass.

I’m thankful my doctor’s appointment went well. Honestly, as long as the Velcade is working, I’m extremely grateful. I don’t have a clue how long it will be effective, but there are other treatments that are still available. I just can’t think about that right now with everything else going on.

I’m grateful that the weather isn’t terribly hot, but it has been in the mid-80s. We’re still turning on coolers, but not til later in the day and only for a few hours. We’re still watering the yard every day but less than we normally would have to if it was 100 degrees.

I’m grateful that my daughter has had a break from work, and she has done so much around here. She has a number of shifts coming up, but this week has been so productive. Right now, she’s dismantling the chicken coop. B built it very well, and she’s having to take down each wall before getting to the roof. I thought it would be a good greenhouse, but really, it’s got too much ‘chicken’ left in it. The space will be nicer open.

I’m grateful for B’s oncologist who has been very supportive.

Simple Sunday

Posted in books, California, cancer, knee injury, swimming by

Actually, it’s a very, very sad Sunday as our resident fox got Ms Chicken right in our yard. We ate dinner inside because it was so hot. We usually put Ms Chicken away at 7, but with it being so light out still, she’s not ready. So last night, it was 7:30, and my daughter went out, and there was a fox and a dead chicken. I was devastated, to say the least. I am so sad. Speaking of animals, the sweet little black and white cat hasn’t been around for a week. It was a male and was in search of girls, but he never stayed away this long, so we figure something got him too. More likely a coyote.

Today is not so hot out, and that will be a bit of a relief. My son is coming up to get his camping gear for a work trip next week. He might get some weed eating done, too. I think next year we will have to hire out the weed eating because it’s a lot. My daughter has kept up on most of it around the house, but there’s still a lot out by the barn and down the property into the wooded area.

Our town is hosting its annual Pioneer Day today, so I didn’t go walk because the park will be busy with people sitting up. The Lions club does a big food booth, plus there’s all the stuff for the kids, like bouncy houses. We took our kids every year when we moved here, and it was always a fun day.

Today, I plan on doing a few extra things. Yesterday I cleaned the laundry room and wiped down the shelves. I still need to wash the windows, so I’ll put that on my list. Then yesterday, I also decluttered some canning jars from the garden shed. I plan on getting back out there this morning and doing another box. Since I don’t plan on making jams anymore, most of my 1/2 pint jars can go. I’ll keep a dozen or so, but that’s it. Also, it just needs a good cleaning and rearranging out there, too.

I haven’t been to the Auburn gym( I always went on Sunday morning) since I hurt my knee. I think I’ll plan on going next week and then decide whether to keep that membership. It’s free with our health insurance, but UHC still pays for the gym, and if we’re not using it, I think it’s probably a waste. I was there regularly on Sundays, so if I start that again, I’ll keep it. This week, though, I’ll go in and cancel B’s as that’s not happening. I’m not sure I can do it, but I’ll try, and if needed, he can call them.

The week ahead looks nice, not so hot. I’m planning on going to the pool once. I’m not sure what day, though. My plan is to swim 15 minutes, and that’s it. I want to start slow so I don’t hurt my knee. My very inexpensive massage table showed up, and it’s perfect. I did the floor exercises on it, and it’s just right. Firm and low to the ground( 24 inches). I have 4 exercises I’m doing on it, and I think I’ll Google what other Pilates-type exercises I can do to strengthen my core.

What’s happening in your world? Hope it’s good stuff.

These are the books I read this week, except the Isabel Allende, which I’ll start today. Most were meh, not great.