Category Archives: Uncategorized

Mujō (無常)

Posted in bread, budgeting, California, camping, cancer, Death, husband, Myeloma, simplicity, Uncategorized by

The transient and ever-changing nature of things. As with Wabi Sabi, impermanence of things and the beauty in the imperfect.

Mono no aware, Mono no aware (物の哀れ): 
This term translates to “the pathos of things” and is an aesthetic appreciation for the transient nature of life. It involves a gentle sadness or wistfulness at the passing of things and a deep sensitivity to their ephemeral nature. That’s exactly how I feel in my life. It feels somewhat ‘unreal’ Barclay is not here with me to laugh with, joke with, travel with and everything in between. But I do take comfort in he’s not suffering anymore. It was a very difficult painful last 3 months of his life. Well, now to fall.

Fall is in full swing, here in N. Ca, I get the feeling of Mono no aware and Mujo, and wabi Sabi all rolled up together. We’ve had rain and cloudy days, as well as Tahoe-like days with big, fluffy clouds. I’ve had a few twinkly fires already, since the house stays cool even if it’s nice outside.

Just to back track a little here:

Barclay and I practised Zen Buddhism for many years after our Quaker roots seemed to fade away. However, Quakerism and Buddhism are very similar in fact. Both embrace simplicity and a WAY of life. Of course, Quakerism is rooted in a Christian context, and Buddhism in Eastern philosophy as taught by Buddha.

Right now, the impermanence of life is very real for me and maybe somewhat depressing. I am trying to embrace the Mujo concept because it does help me get through the day and realize that life does go on, and it will for me what whatever time I have left. Some of that is on my mind because of my rising kappa light chains and thinking about having to change treatments by January if they continue to go up.

I know that things will change, and I need to change too. But for now, I’ll try and take comfort in Mujo and mono no aware.

On a brighter note, my kids put together a very nice birthday for me. My son came and took a huge load to the dump( which I wanted done). We got a Round Table pizza, and my daughter had gone to Safeway for some small squares of cake to share. I didn’t have any champagne that day to celebrate, but I will soon.Turning 73 is not much different than 72 for me. The real change for me was at 70. Then I felt like I was getting old. Now, I’m old and just keep trying to do the things I love like swimming, walking, the gym and I hope some day in the near future doing some camping again. If i could afford the camper type van that’s what I’d do. We still ( my daughter and I) are going to check things out sometime in the spring. A small tent trailer is very doable, but I like the idea of self contained. Time will tell. Also, If I got one I’d get a loan so that the payment would be what we were paying for rubi. And we’d have the trailer as our trade in.

Well, I’ve rambled on a bit here, so that’s it for me. I do have the day home today after going to the gym yesterday, so I’ll do some tidying and make some sourdough bread.

Simple Sunday

Posted in budgeting, budgets, California, cash envelopes, Uncategorized, Walking by

Well, as expected, yesterday was a wash. I woke feeling terrible, so I just stayed in bed. I finally got up and started feeling better by the afternoon, and even sat outside a while. This morning I feel fine, so it wasn’t too long. My daughter, though, had a histamine reaction, so she’s had to take it easy all week.

I’m still getting up around 5:30 -5:45am, depending on whether I plan on walking, which I am today. I’m not pushing going out in the dark to walk, as I think that ship has sailed. As much as it was one of my favorite things to see the stars, I think it’s smarter for me to hold off. So that means today I’ll go out and walk around at 6:30. I’m still bringinga flashlight for the first round.

We are in for rain this week, so I need to be sure everything is done. The wood needs to be covered, and the wood stove needs to be ready. Tahoe is already quite chilly, as would be expected. It still would be beautiful, though. I’m still looking at a hotel for one night for my daughter and me to go up in October.

I’ve done October’s budget and made the first payment on Allstate. My son is going to donate his Subaru (which is parked in my yard). When that’s done, I’ll take that off the insurance, and that will help a lot. He’s using the truck and making the payment, so I’m ok with that for now. He still needs to figure out the car he wants.

Anyway, the budget looks ok. Not a lot of wriggle room, but ok. I haven’t done too much with cash envelopes since B died, but I do have some still. Mostly, I want the big annual bills covered, so I’ll keep adding to those. Smaller ones, like Target or household, I’ll just let go or add that to a general spending. I do keep cash for groceries unless it’s Costco because I can use the card and get the rewards back.

Here are my two LVs I use for cash envelopes. I also have a monogram MM that B bought me for my birthday a few years ago.

An open Louis Vuitton agenda in Epi black leather, displaying its interior with rings and card slots.

I have 2 preloved LV agendas in the Epi black. One I got off of the Facebook group, and the other from eBay. One is the PM size and the other is the MM size. Of course, I love LV with classic things. Most of their fancy stuff is way beyond my reality. But I use these daily and enjoy them.

Finally, a week where I think I can get to a regular schedule. I hope.

I need to do some meal planning for the week. I have some more soup in the freezer, so I’ll pull one of them out, and I have some tofu to use. My son is coming over on Tuesday, and I plan on ordering a pizza for us to share. He’s going to do at least one dump run. Hopefully, he can get it done before it starts raining. I also want to close up the trailer and have them put a tarp over the top.

Simple Sunday

Posted in Blood test, budgeting, budgets, California, covid-19, Uncategorized, Walking by

This coming week I have a few appointments:(

One is with the sleep doctor, finally. I am sure he will order the CPAP machine, and I’ll give it a try. I figure, why not try it and just see? If I hate something on my face, I’ll know. Then later in the week is my flu/COVID shot, but that’s just walk in and get it. I do have an appointment for it.

In between, I’ll try and swim and I need to go the the Maheny gym and library. So a little busier than I like.

My son is planning to come over and stack the firewood. He is going to bring an apple pie to celebrate his dad’s birthday. He would have been 75. I’ll decide on the day trip to Tahoe tomorrow. It seems I am deciding things based on the day and that’s ok. Update: my debit card isnt working so I may have to go into the bank at 10 am and that will change things.

I didn’t sleep very well the other night, so when I woke up, I decided not to walk as I had a headache. Weirdly, though, my Apple Watch says no sleep disturbances(which is sleep apnea). Very strange. I did walk this morning, and it was nice. I used the flashlight for the first round.

Fall is really here, and the colors are changing on the leaves. Plus, the cooler nights make a difference. I’ve been sitting outside with the fire pit all this week while eating dinner. It’s nice. I have to fill the propane bottle as it is almost empty. I’ll just do the exchange at the store.

I’ve been having fun playing around with ChatGPT. It’s kind of fun to ask questions a get an answer. One was about selling Rubi while still having a balance on the loan. It’s not a lot, but that means I don’t have a title. So it suggested paying it off and then selling. Something to think about. The other idea was to do a trade in. If we can find the tent trailer my daughter and I want with them this would be a good option. Well, I have till next year to figure it out.

I listed the All American on market marketplace so I’ll see what comes of that. I also pulled out all my canning jars from the garden shed, and I will list them today. Or as soon as I have some pictures. I haven’t had any interest in the All American, which I’m surprised at since this is canning season. I won’t lower the price on that so I’ll just keep it for now. The pressure canner is one of those things that retains value even if it’s older, which mine is not.

Simple Sunday

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I’m not planning on going to the gym this morning as my daughter and I are going to work on the fence area behind the barn. That’s the area that backs up to our asshole neighbor. When the tree guys took the oaks back there, it opened a clear shot into his garage workshop, so we bought a privacy screen, and that’s what we are putting up. It’s a green mesh type thing and does block out the view. So she’ll put in the metal posts, and I’ll probably stand around and watch unless she needs me to hold the post. .:)

We also bought 3 evergreen bushes that we want to plant out there too. That area is one of the few areas left that the ‘old miner’ who lived here dumped stuff so the soil isnt the best. Over the last 30 years we’ve plant ground covers and wild flowers and put down top soil so it’s better but when you start to dig down it’s really hard pack. So it’ll take some work plus adding bags of soil to the holes. We had intended to put up more cedar fencing before Barclay got sick last summer so that never happened.

We’re back in very hot weather 98 degrees but somehow it feels a little different than before. Maybe it’s that the mornings are still cool and the angle of the sun is very different. Still hot is hot.

Simple Sunday

Posted in California, cancer, cooking, decluttering, home stuff, Pantry, simple foods, Uncategorized by

I didn’t sleep well last night. I’m not sure if it was the heat or what. So, I decided not to walk at 6am and will go to the gym to use the treadmill. Some days are just like that. Today is the last really hot day. Then it looks pretty nice after Tuesday.

Things are quiet around here, and I’m glad. After all the chainsawing last week and giant machinery, it’s welcome. This coming week looks OK. I’ll go pick up the sleep test in Roseville. I’ll need to Google it as I’m not sure where the location is. Then I return it a few days later. It would all be a lot easier if they just looked at my Apple Watch data, which says sleep apnea. sigh:( I’ll proceed with what the Dr. says, but I don’t even see him again till late October. The world of doctors and medical appointments really does suck.

I’ve done a little more decluttering, mostly paper stuff, but some odds and ends too. I have quite a few books to donate to either the library friends or the pet bookstore, whichever comes first.

Last night I cooked a crockpot meal, and it was good. I had 2 bags of cooked chicken, although it wasn’t a lot in each bag, and I had a bag of chopped peppers from who knows when. So I chopped up an onion, added a can of cream of mushroom soup that I had in the pantry and wanted to use, and a random pouch of onion soup. I added some taqereia sauce to add a little spice. I just cooked on low for a few hours because the chicken was already cooked. Then I boiled some egg noodles and added them. I liked it. It’s probably not my daughter’s favorite, but I use up a bunch of random things. So win-win.

This is my son’s chair he had in the barn, so I’m using that a my place to sit in B’s office. It’s very comfortable, although you wouldn’t guess that. I’m debating moving my Heywood desk in there. I guess I could try it, and if I don’t like it, move it back out. The Heywood is very heavy, though.

Reorganizing for one.

Posted in California, cooking, Death, decluttering, husband, ikea, Uncategorized by

Actually, it is my daughter and myself here but the reorganizing is really for me without my husband.

I’ve been reorganizing his office area where he had his computer, files etc.

I’ve mostly cleared out B’s desk area and shelves. I’m leaving some things of his there as mementos. On the wall are some of his oldest Dylan records he had as a teenager. Some on Dylan’s first albums. The next step is to take the desk out since I have my desk area in a different space. His Ikea shelves I’ll leave there as my daughter has cleaned out and painted the studiio so some odds and ends are getting placed on the shelves. ( the star war figures and some other things). But old notebooks, plus all his UCD notes etc, I’ve tossed. I’m using some Ikea white cardboard boxes to keep his favorite T shirts and hats in for now. They’re on the shelves too.

His dresser, (an older Heywood Wakefield), I mostly emptied but havent put much back in there. I have his belt buckles in a box and then some trinkets of his in another box. The kids took the stuff they wanted so really all that’s left is some odds and ends besides the important stuff. The dresser will stay where it is in the bedroom because at night when I get up I use that to lean on to feel stable before I go into the bathroom.

In reorganizing the closet, I just have my jeans and T=shirts and some sweaters hanging plus what’s left of his. I have his UNFI jackets hanging there too. I’m certainly doing a lot less laundry and that is nice in a way, sort of. B always did the laundry so I’m doing some now but mostly my daughter takes out what I put in the laundry bag every few days. Usually, we’d do laundry,(one small load), a day.

Of course, I’m organizing my weeks differently since I don’t have all his medical appointments to do. Having cancer and getting treatment is a full time job especially when things are going wrong like needing platelets and blood transfusions. So now, it’s just my appts and they are pretty low key.

I’m still organizing my swim, gym and library days though. This week is different becasue I had 2 appts and the PGE tree guys are going to be here and I’m not sure if that’s going to end up one day or two or more. Even after the tree is down, the wood reclamation guys need to come get it all. So that leaves me not able to get to the pool or gym until maybe Friday?? Next week is also off since I have the sleep apnea test and that means going to Roseville one day to pick up and then another day to drop off so that will not leave me too many choices for swimming or the gym.

Reorganizing the kitchen and food prep is also ongoing. We are just not eating the same. I’m not sure if it’s because there’s one less person or if it’s just summer blues, but meal time has been difficult. I’m actually starting a list of what we’re actually eating as some stuff has been tossed because we’re not eating it. I’ve always done menu planning ,like forever, and that has gone out the window. I still have my meal plans but am just not using them. Maybe down the road, but with just the two of us, not sure if that’s necessary. I’ve gotten rid of extra dishes, pots and bowls too because we aren’t using half of it. I’ve also reorganized pantry stuff. I’m only using two of my Far Nienete wine crates for food storage. I still need to go through and see if anything is dated or not.

Am I a minimalist??

Posted in books, California, Death, decluttering, home stuff, simple foods, simplicity, Uncategorized by

After reading the latest book,

I’m pretty sure that’s a spoof on her ‘author’ moniker.??

I wondered what I still had that was not really worth keeping. Or was it now something no longer needed? I’ve gone through a lot of shelves, drawers, closet ( we only have one closet) and took a hard look at things. Some things are left to deal with later, but a great deal was eliminated.

The author asks, “How do you want your home to ‘feel?’ “and then this is your why. I really want things to be simplified. It’s that simple. I want things to be uncomplicated and simple. Simple meals, simple house chores, simple maintaining the house, etc.

One of her tidbits was to go around your house and identify what irritates you or bugs you, and toss or throw them in the goodwill box. I like that idea.

This is part of the latest pile. 😦

Of course, having my husband just die is a motivator. Some of the things to let go of are those that I have no use for. Half-used notepads, a zillion pens, old T-shirts. ( I have saved some of his T-shirts like Grateful Dead, for now. I don’t know how I’ll feel in 6 months. Here I thought we had really prepared for his passing by getting rid of things, but honestly, it’s a shock what’s there. We have been on our minimalism journey for over 15 years, and here I am scratching my head going”why”?

As I’ve always contended, life is about change and trying to be in the season of your life as it is. I’ve never been here before, so I have to make the changes.

I’m not planning on canning in the near future, for example. So I don’t need a bizillion canning jars. I’ve given away on our Pay it forward group over 3 dozen jars. Now, of course, I’m holding back getting rid of my water canner and my All-American. Why? I don’t know, except I like canning, and I still might in the future. That is too early to tell, because this year, with Barclay dying, we didn’t have any garden. So time will tell on this one.

Even the yard stuff has been a lot. My son has done 3 trips to the dump already. And we still have at least 2 more that are mostly old wood. All this should have been done long before now. We’ve lived here 30 years, and well, stuff does accumulate, especially old wood from projects, scrap metal, old coolers, etc. I’m seriously thinking of hiring someone who does junk to get rid of it.

I suppose all things change as our attitude, circumstances, and perspective change. I’m glad mine is continuing to evolve and change with my current circumstances. I just wish Barclay were here to do this with me. 😦

Simple Sunday

Posted in books, budgeting, budgets, California, camping, cancer, decluttering, Lake tahoe, library, Uncategorized, Walking by

It’s been so hot again. Today is the hottest at 99. The coolers go off and on all day. I always turn them off by 7:30, even if it’s still hot out. We have two more days of heat, and then it drops back into the 80s.

I’ve had fun reading this book,

It’s quite funny, although if you’re offended by the word fuck, then this isn’t for you. It’s quite motivating. I bought it as a Kindle book.

My walk was nice this morning. Only one person was showing up as I was leaving. My legs still don’t seem to be recovering as well as I’d like, and my app for iHealth still shows my walking steadiness as low. I’m guessing my right knee is still causing some lagging in my gait. Of course, that’s just a guess.

I picked up my holds at the library, and one was chair yoga and pilates. So far, I like it and may buy my own copy. I have it for 3 weeks, so I can give it a bit more time to see if it’s worth it.

The week ahead is Dr. appt in Sacramento, and Velcade in Roseville. That pretty much covers the week since Friday, I’ll take my Dex. My daughter starts back at her college job this week, too. We talked about maybe doing a day trip to Tahoe. Just the West Shore, as it is closer to Tahoe City. I’ll have to see how motivated I am to do that.

I still haven’t canceled one of the Tahoe trips in September. I guess I’m procrastinating. I’ll do it soon. We had booked 2 reservations that overlapped, so one will have to go, and even the one that’s left is questionable. I’m still not sure how we could pull it off without Rubi, and that is not an option. I suppose my son’s huge tent is an option, but not really a great one. I’d have to buy an air mattress and some other things, and I’m not sure I want to do that. I guess I’m waiting for some inspiration to show up. Kidding:)

My daughter has finished painting the studio, and it looks really nice. A pale green with a cream trim. We gave away the Ikea cabinet yesterday on Facebook Marketplace. Fortunately, the guy coming was nice and prompt. He had a van, so my daughter and he were able to slide it in. It was a brand-new hybrid Pacifica. Wow, it was quite nice. I checked the price and they run around 55K.

Well, off to do some stuff as I’m not heading out to the gym this morning.

Frugal Friday

Posted in books, budgeting, budgets, California, home stuff, swimming, Uncategorized by

Overall, except for the coast trip, it was a low-budget week. This week is an in-between; August’s bills are coming out, so it’s just basics.

After the gym, I went to Winco and spent $ 55. I bought wine as well, but that doesn’t go on my grocery bill.

The weather is turning hot again, so no eating on the patio, and dinners have been lighter. I made a brown rice salad with chickpeas, red onion, and cucumbers with some feta. I’ll have that for lunch today as well. I made some tofu in the air fryer, so I can use some of that for dinner tonight.

I’m planning on swimming today, and then I won’t go down to Roseville till next week. I need gas, so I’ll do that at Costco. I’m still waiting for my LLS to get finalized, and then I can submit my insurance premium. I’m very grateful for LLS’s support for patients.

Nothing new with books. I finished Fever Beach by Carl Hiasson. Funny and provocative to say the least. I don’t have any holds, so I need to go to the catalog and place some on hold.